May 09 (Happy Face Day.)

June 2009 (Painful face Day.)

I’ve been going through a lot of body transformation over the last few months. Most of them I’ve loved.

Well, this most recent picture here doesn’t show a health transformation that I intended to have happen. Yet it did happen, so lemme tell you what’s going on…

Here’s what I’ve been experiencing in the most recent picture: June 30, 2009

• Blisters on my lips
• Ulcers on my tongue
• Rawness on the roof of my mouth
• Ulcers on my gums
• Ulcers inside my lips
• Ulcers inside my cheeks
• Terrible bad breath (Can you imagine with all those sores in there?)
• Ulcers on the punching bag thing in the back of my throat that I keep forgetting the name of.
• Seriously painful swallowing
• Red, itchy eyelids
• Red, itchy sores on both of my upper arms (And a few individual ones scattered around my legs)

It all started late Friday night when I thought, “Hmmm. Maybe I had too much acidic salad dressing tonight.” It was the first sign of having a little bump inside my lower lip. But it wasn’t anything alarming at that point.

When I woke up Saturday morning there were pronounced pus-filled bubble blisters around the inside of my lips in several places. It was slightly difficult to swallow.

I was bummed. And scared.

See, back in late Sept/ early Oct. 07, I was in the hospital for almost 3 weeks with a freak outbreak of Crohn’s like symptoms. I had the mouth ulcers, I had the painful swallowing, I had diarreaha, (wow, I spelled that right the first time. I think I’m ready for the spelling bee.) And I was vomiting. I wasn’t able to eat. And I was only getting in very limited liquids.

But in that situation I didn’t go to the hospital right away because I didn’t know that there was something terribly wrong going on inside my body. I just thought I had a weird flu and that it was going to pass soon enough.

It wasn’t getting anywhere near better though, so I finally went to the ER for the first time in my life by choice. (Only other time was in 4th grade w/a broken wrist and 7th grade w/a broken collar bone.) But I’d never been to the ER as an adult and certainly not because I was so sick that I didn’t know what to do with myself.

I was admitted that night and didn’t come out for almost 3 weeks. Turns out my intestines were seriously bleeding and had ulcers scattered all throughout them. My stomach didn’t have any ulcers. Just everything else did. They were even talking about taking out a portion of my colon in surgery because it was so decrepit and gnarly with ulcers.

There’s a lot from the hospital stay that I don’t remember because I was so fatigued and was receiving serious drugs to help me with the pain my body was in. Perhaps I’ll recall some of those memories here to share with you when I’m feeling particularly brave. But for now I just wanted to give you the back story of why the mouth sores this weekend caused me to be scared and bummed. I didn’t want to go through that again and I was worried that it might be the onset of something similar, ya know?

So after waking up with the sores in my mouth on Saturday morning, and kinda toughing it out through the day with worry and rest…I went to the ER at 6pm. I wasn’t going to take any chances of this situation getting like it was in 2007.

The was crazy busy. My Sweet Bee even saw someone in there on a gurney with their leg chopped off waiting for them to sew it closed. Good thing I had my head focused on the nurse in front of me. I was intent on making it to my little curtain room repeating my Ho’oponopono mantra as peacefully as I could. There was a lot of suffering going on in that emergency room, that’s for sure.

We pulled the curtains tight and I got into my little back-opening nightie they gave me. I was glad I wore my cheetah print panties from Victoria’s Secret because, Hello!? Who says you have to wear granny panties if you’re in the hospital? It was really for my scared inner child that I wore them anyway because it made it more like we were going to a party.

Dr. Hunt, my ER doc ordered a cat scan done of my belly because I had felt a bit of cramping in that area. Not a good sign since I’d had a history of Crohn’s. So I drank some grape-flavored drink that had a bunch of iodine in it. Had to sign a waiver before I could drink it. Apparently some people are seriously allergic to it.

Then when I was wheeled into the Cat Scan room by this young guy Orlando, I received more iodine directly through my IV. It was warm and made me feel like I was peeing on myself. Good thing I really wasn’t. I didn’t bring a change of cheetah print panties with me.

The iodine was for contrast so that they could see what was going on in the belly area. Results came back that there was nothing inflamed in there.  Hooray! That was really good news.

I also swished some Viscous Lidocaine – terribly nasty flavored goo that numbed my mouth sores and my throat so I could be in less pain. Helped with the mouth sores. Made my throat feel even more closed up and I started getting scared about not being able to breathe, but I kept being able to anyway.

Had .5 mg of a pain drug called Dilauded. Wow. This stuff is powerful. From having like no food in my body for a couple of days to having that pumped into my body was like a tidal wave of feeling flooding my body. Fortunately it felt good instead of terrible. And it definitely calmed my anxiety. I was able to relax and doze off with my eye mask on a little bit.

End result of ER trip:

• Abdominal pain – Uncertain Cause
• Rx for Gross Goo to numb oral area.
• Super cute young nurse with long eye lashes and stylish glasses who made me smile
• Got an IV of saline to help hydrate me
• No inflammation in belly area Yay!

So now it’s Wednesday morning…what’s happened since then?

• It’s gotten more difficult to swallow.
• My body ached from head to toe like I had a terrible flu.
• I sobbed for like 20 minutes straight, slobbering into a towel.
• I went to my GI doc (all about the guts) and he wasn’t so encouraged.
• Received Rx for Prednisone, a heavy steroid that will relieve the swelling in my mouth, and probably make my face swell up instead as one of the side effects. Puffy Predinsone face. It happens. And since it’s not painful, it’s way better than puffy lips and inside of the mouth.

Yadda yadda…This is all the stuff on the outside. The physical stuff.

What’s really fascinating (and what I’m choosing to put my attention on as much as I can) is the emotional internal stuff. The stuff going on with my feelings, my subconscious, and my relationship with myself that are making this physical stuff have a fertile place to come and freak out.

Maybe I can share some of that with you later. This is plenty for now. I just took my 2 a.m Prednisone pills with a couple of sips of water and my mouth is burning. It’s really uncomfortable to drink, swallow, talk. So I’ll be mostly quiet today. Writing when I feel up to it. Open to receiving your love in whatever form it may show up.

My Sweet Bee and my 2 lovely neighbors are taking excellent care of me and I am so loved.

7 responses so far

New Rule: Wednesday (the weirdest named day anyway) is now called Requestday. It’s the middle of the week, and if you’re anything like me this week, asking for and receiving some help would be nice.

New Rule: Salt should be self-regulating. If more of it winds up in a dish than is going to taste good (especially if that dish is homemade raw chocolate ice cream) it should quickly apologize and excuse itself out of the dish.

Hey Mister Too-Much-Salt. Get outta my ice cream!

New Rule: When I have bad breath, a little blinking light will alert me before others around me become aware of it. This may require nano-bot receptors in my nose calibrated for detecting bacterias.

New Rule: It’s totally acceptable to tell cops who pull you over for not having a front license plate that they (and the law) are lame. And that if they have a power drill in their trunk, you’re happy to put the plate on with them watching.

New Rule: Cops should hold signs that say free hugs and stand in malls and by the beach. Hugging a cop might do a lot for my judgments of them.

Do you have any new rules for this week?

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Five on Friday: Bringing you 5 somethings each and every Friday

Here are some things I’ve learned from my experiences with “Fibromyalgia.”

1. Fibromyalgia is NOT incurable. When I was diagnosed with it back in 2002, (at the age of 25) the specialist I saw at the University of Miami who had been doing extensive studies on it, didn’t have much good news for me. She said, “Make friends with Advil.” Um, hello? What kind of life is that? My mom and I looked at each other and knew that we would figure out some other way to heal myself from the pain my body was going through. Advil is great and all. But I wasn’t going to be taking that for the rest of my life. No way. And I DID figure it out. And I don’t have fibromyalgia anymore. Ta-da!!
2. I’ve had a lot of anger. ALL of my Fibro-related body pain was as a result of my emotional state. Especially my anger. And the anger that I cared not to acknowledge because it was too crazy and scary and upsetting. And I hesitate to say anything hokey like “Getting in touch with my anger cured me,” but in some ways it did. And because it was so instrumental in curing me, that makes it awesome and not hokey at all. Anger is a powerful thing. And because my mind thought it woud be too scary to deal with the anger, it created physical body pain to distract me from the emotional issues.
3. My body is trying to help me. When it acted up and was in incredible pain, it was really just trying to protect me from things it thought would be much more uncomfortable for me. Namely painful emotions. Don’t pay attention to those yucky emotions. Just pay attention to this pain in your body instead. (Distract, Distract. Pay no attention to that thing you want so badly that I’m hiding behind my back. Eat this lollipop instead.) Also, in case you haven’t noticed, it’s much more socially acceptable to say that you’re too sore and tired to go out and do something with your friends than it is to say, “Sorry, can’t do that because I’m a raging bitch underneath all of this and I don’t have control of my emotions.” So the body pain also made it easier for me to say No to things. Which brings me to the next thing…
4. Body pain gave me an excuse. And at the time, I needed one. I didn’t grow up feeling confident in saying No to other people. Mostly I said yes to everything and I wound up sacrificing myself and my happiness. Sometimes in some pretty big ways. It got so bad (my inability to say no) that I actually wound up having sex with a guy I didn’t want to have sex with…and I was severely truamatized by it and soon after that’s when all my Fibromyalgia and Chronic Fatigue Syndrome symptoms started and then stuck around for several years. I did not feel safe saying no. My body collapsed with all the symptom to try to help me stay safe, stay indoors, stay away from people, and curl up in a corner and heal and take care of myself. Ultimate excuse: my body won’t let me.
5. We are “meant” to be free and clear. It’s not okay to have chronic pain in the body. Yes, sometimes that’s “what is” so it’s okay in that sense, but it’s neither normal, nor natural to have chronic pain. When there’s chronic pain, something is OFF. Outside of structural abnormalities, there’s no reason for chronic pain. Especially the pain associated with Fibromyalgia. There’s nothing structural happening with that kind of pain. That means something else is causing it.  I didn’t want to look at the mind/body connection for a whole year when I was first diagnosed. (Nothing wrong over here with my mind thank you very much!) But ultimately it was working with my mind and my emotions that healed me. That’s what did it. When you have things that hurt for long periods of time, it’s a signal that something is off. The body is trying to get back to its natural state of feeling good – and it needs our emotions to be on board with the plan.

I’m now a HUGE fan of emotional wellness. Understanding myself and what I’m feeling. Understanding the beliefs that lead me to feel certain things. Sometimes I feel bad, sometimes I feel angry, sometimes I feel weird or confused. But there’s no reason to stay that way chronically. Chronic anything is a huge wake up call for me now. It’s a wake up call to look at my inner world. My emotions. My feelings. To acknowledge and love them.

15 responses so far

This nut-free raw food diet has become SO easy. It doesn’t even feel like I’ve done anything different. I don’t even have to think about it anymore. I’m not craving nuts. I’m not interested in them. I’m not worried about not having enough other things to eat. It’s just easy and natural now.

It’s been such a non-issue in fact that it just seems weird to even *think* about my menu for the day because it’s no big deal to me what I’m eating. This is a welcome change because in the first couple of days, all I could think about was food. What I was going to eat. Whether something had nuts in it or not. What I was going to eat to make up for the lack of nuts…

It was mentally time consuming. Energy-wise too. Didn’t really notice it at the time, but now that I’ve come through on the other side of it, I can see it in big ol’ lights.

So basically, what I ate for the last 2 days:

• delicious superfoods
• delicious raw fruits
• delicious raw vegetables

Sometimes they were by themselves.

Sometimes they were put together.

It’s really pretty simple! I’m surprised and happy.

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Yesterday my Nutless Pesto creation turned out SUPER salty. Great flavor, but really, really salty. (I put too much Garlic Salt in it to try to balance out the bitterness of the sprouted peas and lentils.)

Today I “fixed” the left overs by adding a bunch of alfalfa sprouts to it along with some spicy salsa. Wow. It was still salty, but in a good way, and it was OH SO delicious.

Day #6 Menu

• Chocolate Bliss Drink
• Cherries
• Nutless Pesto Noodle Salad: basil, garlic powder, Himalayan salt, jalapeno, pepper, olive oil (Blended.) Poured over kelp noodles and let sit for at least 1 hr. in fridge. Added in later: Fresh spicy salsa, and alfalfa sprouts. Yum.
• Rainbow Smoothie: water, spinach, frozen banana, frozen acai, frozen strawberries (w/green tops), orange (peeled w/white pith left on), agave, some ice. (The ice makes it so fun.)
• Zucchini hummus on huge salad with lots of veggies for dipping. Super delicious to share with friends.
• Dates
• More cherries
• Piece of raw chocolate w/coconut flavor

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Okay, so I made some stuff with nuts in it for my Sweet Bee this afternoon. He’s also taking the raw food approach and he has no issues with sensitivity to nuts it seems. Went to the store and got all the things to make:

• Raw Mexican Bean Dip: walnuts, Fiesta Mole superfood mix, cilantro, lemon juice,  jalapeno, water, garlic powder, Braggs, pepper. Used store bought raw corn crisps/chips to dip in it.
  Walnuts get surprisingly creamy when blended up with water. Then they’ll take the flavor of whatever you put in them. I haven’t done this yet, but I’ve seen recipes for some kind of raw whipped cream type of thing that has walnuts in it like this, but instead of savory/spicy stuff, it has sweet stuff that makes it like a topping for a fruit salad or something. Don’t know about that sweet version, but in the past when we’ve had this style of Walnut based “bean dip” it’s SO good.
• Creamy Raw Alfredo: macadamia nuts, cashews, water, garlic powder, pepper corns, lemon juice, Himalayan sea salt. Poured over raw seaweed noodles. (I use this brand, but don’t buy them from this site because I get them at a local store. This dish is SO tasty and I was really craving it as I was making it, but I refrained because I’m really committed to giving my belly a nut break. This kind of sauce can also be poured over zucchini put through a spiral thing that cuts it into noodles, or julienne style zucchini, or even just quartered zucchini with the sauce poured over so it’s more chunky, but you still get the great flavor.

For my Nut-Free Foods…

I made a kelp noodle dish for myself (which by the way, the noodles don’t taste like seaweed at all or have anything remotely similar to nori that goes on the outside of sushi.) My nut free noodle dish involved a unique Pesto recipe that I made up on the fly:

Basil, olive oil, garlic powder, salt, pepper, sliver of jalapeno, water, spouted lentils & peas (to act as the “nut” part of the pesto). It came out chunky in the blender and I poured it over my kelp noodles. It’s sitting in the fridge for a while so that the noodles can soak up some of the oily-ness. They noodles are initially very crunchy, and I perfer them softer. So I always let them sit in whatever kind of sauce it is that I made for them. I’ll report back later whether my Pesto sauce was enough to make them soft or not. The sauce itself did taste yummy, so I’m excited to try it.

Day #5 Menu:

• Chocolate Bliss superfood drink
• Nectarine
• Salad: romaine, broccoli, zucchini, cilantro, fresh corn, olive oil, garlic salt, pepper, olive tapanade
• Store bought raw falafel: sprouted chickpeas, onion, cumin,
• Nut-Free Pesto over Raw Kelp Noodles
• Watermelon
• Bite of raw chocolate bar from the store

My Nut-Free Pesto on the Kelp noodles did get softer after leaving it in the fridge for an hour. Wasn’t totally happy with the flavor, but for my first time making it and not basing it off a recipe, I’m pleased with how it came out. It could be tweaked better for sure. Next time I’m not going to put the raw sprouted lentils and peas in it to sub for the nuts because those things are bitter and strong. It’d probably be more enjoyable with just the oil and the good herbs and flavors and being more of an oily sauce than trying to make it creamy.

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As of last night, Seth Godin is my new teacher. I’ve plopped myself down in the Classroom de Seth and I’m soaking up any wisdom he cares to share with me.

Professor Seth, I’m ready to learn.

And I’m ready to receive gold stars.

Since I usually take notes when I read books anyway, thought I’d share them here.

Note: If I’m quoting Professor Seth, I’ll put quotes. Otherwise, the things I’m sharing here are my own notes, paraphrases, understandings, and ideas for application based on what I’ve read.

On with the learnings!

• We’ve been told that winners never quit. Seth debunks this myth. Winners DEFINITELY quit. They “quit the wrong stuff. Stick with the right stuff.” And “have the guts to do one or the other.”
• Too many choices makes people panic. Sometimes to the point of not even buying anything. Reminds me of when I was India when I was 20. My suitcase was lost for a few days and I needed a toothbrush. I went to the street corner and found a guy selling things. He had ONE type of toothbrush. And he had about 3 in stock. That’s it. It was one of the easiest purchases I ever made.
• Jerry Maguire moment: Reading this stuff about being good enough vs. best in the world is making me want to be a better (wo)man.
• “Strategic quitting is the secret of successful organizations.” Noticing that he’s taking a behavior that’s generally seen as “bad” (quitting) and making it okay by putting “strategic” in front of it. Watching TV isn’t a super great habit…but strategic TV watching…now we’re getting somewhere. Other places where some strategy might be useful? Strategic lying? Strategic laziness? Strategic infidelity?
• The Dip comes after the big excitement and the initial effort. Loved his example like Yay! You’re going to med school. Good for you! So you go to your classes all excited and then you hit The Dip – like organic chemistry and you start thinking UGH…was this such a good idea after all? Some make it through the dip and go on to become doctors. Others don’t.
• Getting through The Dip can take a long time. “Suck it up. Put your head down. Do as you’re told.” It’s not necessarily glorious and easy and fun. But that’s what separates out the Good Enoughs from the Best In The Worlds. “If there wasn’t a Dip…” (or it was super easy to get through it)…”there’d be no scarcity.”
• Being in the Dip isn’t a death sentence. It doesn’t make you a victim. You can speed up the rate at which you get out of the Dip by “leaning into it. Changing the rules, pushing harder, and whittling away at it.”
• One thing we should quit: Hanging out in Cul-de-Sacs. Jobs, projects, interests, whatever…that aren’t going anyway. Cul-de-Sac is French for “dead end.” So what in our lives is a Cul-De-Sac? Where are we riding our bikes around the Cul-de-Sac in a circle like kids on a lazy afternoon instead of riding out into the distance where we can actually see, do, and accomplish new things and growth? Stop hanging out in Cul-de-Sacs.
• “If it’s worth doing, there’s probably a Dip.” This makes a lot of experiences in my life make sense. And I see where I didn’t quit the wrong things and stick with the right things. I ended up quitting the things I should have stuck with. And kept doing the stuff I should have quit. That’s why I didn’t get the results I was looking for.  Good one, Seth.
• “Dips create scarcity. Scarcity creates value.” So many places to see this working. Olympic gold medals are valued because The Dip is so intense to get there. The medals are scarce and rare. Athletes go through Dips all the time. We go through Dips as business owners. I’ve gone through Dips in my health and fitness. And in my relationships as well. This framework is really useful.
• “What’s the point in “sticking it out” if you’re not going to get the result of being the best in the world?” Gee, Seth. I can’t see any reasons, actually. Maybe just fear of not doing what I said I would do. Thinking that I need to stick it out so that I can look good in the eyes of others. But that doesn’t make me the best in the world at anything. Except maybe selling out on myself. Ouch.
• Brave. Mature. Stupid. Which one are you? Brave people start something and then stick through The Dip. Mature people don’t even *start* the activity because they don’t think they’ll make it through The Dip. Stupid people start something all gung-ho about it (spending a lot of time, energy, and money on it) and then quit right when they get to The Dip. Seth says it’s okay to be Brave & Mature, but the being Stupid is going to keep us from being successful.
• “Every single function of an organization has a wind problem.” Wind meaing unpredictable stuff. He says that windsurfing is super easy. Except for the wind part of things because it’s so unpredictable. So basically EVERYTHING would be easy, except for the “wind”. “Customer service would be a lot easier if it weren’t for the customers.”
• “If I could offer just one piece of inspiration, it’s this: The Dip is the reason you’re here.” Everything we’ve done and invested has brought us to this place we’re in now so that we could confront The Dip we’re in right now. And “it’s not enough to survive your way through this Dip. You get what you want when you embrace the Dip and treat it like the opportunity that it really is.” <Wow. I heart Seth Godin.>
• “The real success goes to those who obsess.” Have you read Barbara Sher’s book Refuse to Choose? It’s about Scanners and Divers. Scanners like to see possibilities and ideas. They like to do lots of different things. Divers like to go deep and really focus in on things. I’m a Diver and this quote is making my Diver Heart sing on the hills. Yay!
• “Simple: If you can’t make it through the Dip, don’t start.” Remember the peanut butter commercial? Choosey moms choose JIF. It’s good to be choosey about what projects and activities we start.

Okay. I’m on page 32. Good stopping place for lunch. As you look over my bullets and notes here, which are the things that stand out to you? What’s something you’re hearing in a new way that you can act on immediately? Or better yet, what’s something in your life that you need to QUIT because it’s not helping you be the best in the world?

6 responses so far

Today’s been easy…and when I see nuts in the kitchen I don’t feel like grabbing them and shoving them in my mouth like I fantasized about doing yesterday.

Day #4 – Menu

• Chocoate Bliss super food drink
• Raspberries
• Nectarine
• Vegi-Delite
• Salad: romain, green pepper, fresh corn, broccoli, zucchini, avocado, cilantro w/olive oil, garlic salt, pepper on top.
• LOTS of water today. Finally. (Sometimes it’s been challenging for me to drink a lot of water.)
• Another big plate of same salad.

Yesterday I was REALLY hungry. And I was craving all sorts of stuff. I was also pretty emotionally up and down. Feeling angry about things and then fine and basically I was kind of roller coastery. Today, I’ve felt more balanced and not craving anything except what I’m actually eating. Also, yesterday I did 60-minutes of intense ZUMBA class, so I was pretty active.

Eating salad on a big flat plate is way more fun than putting it in a bowl and eating it out of that. When I put it on a big plate, it’s like I’m at a restaurant and I realize that if I were to have the plate of salad put down in front of me at a restaurant I would say “WOW!!! It’s huge and beautiful.” I love that about making my own salads. They look amazing. And it’s fun to eat them. I’m really good at chopping veggies.

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1. Fine Young Cannibals: Growing up, I hated the “She Drives Me Crazy” video because of the way he moved his mouth (especially his upper lip) on his jagged teeth. It gave me the creeps. Just watched a minute of it again, and…well, I still don’t like it.
2. Robert Palmer: What’s up with women dancing and not being happy about it? Simply Irresistible has gobs of women in it dancing around and doing sexy things and they’re all straight faced and looking mean. I think seeing this video when I was a developing girl contributed to my thinking that dancing was dumb and bad. Good thing I’ve since discovered Zumba!
3. Faith No More: This video made my mom hate that I wanted to watch MTV when I was 13. Even though I dug the song at the time, I felt sorry for the fish at the end. And I really liked it when Pauly Shore did his commentary over this video. Something about *weasles*!
   Note: To be fair to Faith No More, anything Madonna did was a huge reason my mom didn’t like MTV. And to be fair to my mom, I didn’t really like MTV all that much anyway. I just wanted to be able to watch it if my friends were watching it so they didn’t think I was lame.
   
4. David Lee Roth: Too many (very scary) wardrobe changes. ‘Nuff said.
5. Milli Vanilli: I resent the music video for “Girl You Know It’s True” because I liked that song when it was out. A lot. And the video was the thing that made everyone criticize them for lip-syncing. Then I felt like I shouldn’t like them anymore. But I still did. I just didn’t tell anyone.

Any music videos you need to whine about for at least 2.2 seconds?

2 responses so far

Yee-haw! Farmer’s Market Thursday. Spent $19.90. Came back with a dime. (Usually I would go buy an extra cherry or something with my 10 cents, but today I kept it in my little t-shirt pocket – mostly because I forgot it was there.)

Here’s what I got for my $19.90

• 2 baby lettuces
• big stalk of celery
• big green pepper
• bunch of spinach
• green kale
• 3 plums
• 3 nectarines
• about 20 cherries
• 5 zucchinis
• 2 bunches of cilantro
• 2 things of broccoli
• 3 sweet corn cobs

Phew! And because my friend bought 3 packs of strawberries for $4, our car smelled GOOD on the way home. Seriously good.

If your celery every gets wilty, break it off from the stalk and put it in a glass of cold water for several hours. It'll perk right up and get crisp again for you.

Day #3 Menu for Raw Food Diet Without Eating Nuts:

• Chocolate Bliss Superfood Drink w/agave
• Fresh young coconut w/the juice and the white flesh
• Cherries
• Fiesta Mole superfood soup
• Enzymes
• Plum
• Raw cabbage slaw
• Vegi-Delite
• Red grapes
• Fresh corn cut off the cob, tomato, cucumber salad w/olive oil, salt & pepper
• Celery & avocado w/garlic salt and pepper

I tend to eat lots of small portions throughout the day. Especially now that I’m not eating nuts. When I ate nuts in things, I would tend to eat more of that item in one sitting. Over the last 3 days I’m noticing that I eat smaller amounts of things at a time. Might eat lots of salad over the course of a day for example, but it’s broken up in to lots of mini portions.

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