Ever been in a situation where someone is talking – and you don’t really want to be listening – but you think you have to? You kinda wish they would shut up, but you think you have to be polite so you pretend to listen or be interested and they just keep going on and on?

This afternoon I went to Expo West, a health food product show at a huge convention center near Disneyland and I noticed this thought related to some of the booth workers who went on and on about their product without seeming to care about whether I cared or not.

Then I started seeing this story lots of places in my life…

When people are talking, I have to pay attention and listen to them.

1. Is this true?

Seems really true. I’ve been led to believe that most of my life. Hearing things in my mind like from the movies where mean parents are saying: “I’m TALKING to you!” As if the kid has to listen.

2. Can you absolutely know that it’s true that when people are talking you have to pay attention and listen to them?

No. It’s not a rule. I don’t *have* to. Life would go on if I didn’t.

3. How do you react when you believe the thought: When someone is talking, I have to listen to them and pay attention to them?

I make myself a victim to them. I judge them harshly and want them to shut up. I judge them for not caring about me and not checking in with me. I feel stuck, like I can’t leave until they stop talking. And because I have no idea when that might be, I feel unsafe and uncomfortable. I don’t take care of myself. I make them more important than I am.

I get in their business and worry about what they will think of me or what they will feel if I am honest and tell them I don’t want to listen or want to talk about something else or just leave or whatever. I turn them into the villain as if they have kidnapped me and then I resent them even though originally I may have wanted to talk with them.  Something changes and I don’t feel like I can get out of it. (Yucky pattern.)

4.Who are you without the story: When someone is talking, I have to listen to them and pay attention to them?

I am checking in with me and finding out what I choose to listen to. I am free enough to walk away in mid sentence if I chose to. (If I’m not free to walk out and leave, or tell them to shut up, then I’m not free to sit there and listen to them either.) I am caring about me more than I am worrying about what they will think if I interrupt them and tell them I’m not interested. I am empowered and I give myself what feels good in the moment. I speak my truth. I ask for what I desire. I make empowered requests. I take responsibility for myself. I am responsible for my own happiness and I take action to take care of me. Maybe I realize that I’m free to leave or tell them to stop talking and then I start enjoying what they’re saying and I get present and enjoy the person in front of me.

TA> When someone is talking, I don’t have to listen and pay attention to them.

1. Of course not. I don’t have to pay attention to the radio or the lyrics when I’m in the car w/people who have the radio on. I don’t have to watch or pay attention to the TV just because it is on. And I don’t have to pay attention to a person just because they are talking near me or at me or to me.

2. There are lots of times that I haven’t totally paid attention or listened to someone and life is still going on. It is not the end of the world. Even tonight at the expo I wasn’t paying great attention to everyone who was talking with me or around me. It is okay…only the thought that I have to be listening and paying attention that makes the experience bad and uncomfortable.

TA> When people are talking, I need to be paying attention and listening to me.

1. For sure. This one is really where it’s at. What do I need in that moment? Am I still interested? What’s on my mind? What would I like to say or do? Has something changed? Can I be present with myself?

2. I can be listening to my thoughts about the other person or thoughts about what I’m telling myself I should do and then I can question them if I’m paying attention to me and listening to me. That’s really important.

3. It’s really more respectful to pay attention to and listen to me so that I can be sharing the real version of me with others instead of them getting the “fake” me that is pretending to be interested in them. At least I can live an honest life and give people the honest me.

TA> When people are talking, I GET to listen and pay attention to them.

1. Yes, they are sharing their insights, understanding, thoughts, ideas, perspective, advice, etc. They are sharing. They are sharing. I am in a position to receive them and acknowledge the person in front of me.

2. The experience will show me things about myself if there are things for me to see there.

Good inquiry…ready for bed. Will be thinking of this more. It’s been deeply ingrained in the past, so it’ll be interesting to see how this loosens up.

—-> What are your experiences and thoughts on this idea of feeling like you have to listen to people who are talking on and on?

It’s Valentine’s Day…do you have plans already?

I was wondering if you’d like to get together and question some of our stressful stories about love and relationships…

So I’m holding two free Valentine’s Day Inquiry calls today…

One in the morning and one in the evening.

(You’re welcome to come to one or both.)

We’ll be questioning stories like:

• I shouldn’t be alone.
• My partner shouldn’t have done/said that.
• Relationships are hard.
• Valentine’s Day is stupid.
• I need a boyfriend/girlfriend/husband/wife.
• My partner is annoying because…
• I’m not lovable.

Basically it’s a BYOST party…

“Bring Your Own Stressful Thoughts” party…

So jot down some of those yucky, sad, depressing thoughts about love and relationships and we’ll question them and get some feel-good-clarity instead.

Sound good?

Details for the free Valentine’s Day Inquiry calls are below…

I love you -

Free Valentine’s Day Inquiry Calls

Date: Sunday, Feb. 14th

- Morning Call: 10 am Pacific (11
Mountain, 12 Central, 1 Eastern)

- Evening Call: 6 pm Pacific (7 Mountain,
8 Central, 9 Eastern)

Phone: (605) 475-4825

Access code: 1064758#

No need to RSVP…just bring your lovely self and maybe some warm tea.

P.S. I went to the dollar store last week and bought a stick with a red sparkly styrofoam heart on the end of it. It makes me smile and I’m going to be holding it during our calls today.

I updated my Facebook status tonight.

It went from “In Relationship” to “Single.”

What do you think?

I’m choosing love.