Comfort Zone — Stretch — Risk — Die
These are the concentric circles Rhonda Britten talks about in this section.
- Stretch: taking an action that you’ve avoided but that isn’t necessarily hard
- Risk: Most actions that will actually change my life will fit here. Possibility of rejection and failure. Takes courage to accomplish. Might get hurt. Might feel foolish. Self-confidence comes from taking risks, so she’s suggesting it’s worth it to take risks.
- Die: Seems like it would bring ALL the stuff to the surface and be really, really scary. As if part of us would die if we did that thing. Doing it feels like you will never be the same on the other side…which is a good thing…and also can be scary.
“Unresolved issues become a burden on our well being.”
Seriously. I’ve been living with this one for several years with some unfinished projects and loose ends that just have NOT been tied up properly. They haunt me regularly and I feel shame, guilt and embarrassment about them. It’s awful.
Activity
Area of life that would have to change in order for me to be more true to myself: Definitely my business stuff.
5 Stretches I could take in my work/business:
- Start at the beginning of Mark’s book and go through the exercises one at a time so I can start developing a relationship with my business again. Basically, take myself back to Heart of Business school.
- Start using The Business Oasis for my accountability with myself and keeping myself honest with my tasks as well as the exercises from the book that I’m doing.
- Update the order page for this particular program and print it out so I *see* it in reality and know what I’m working on.
- Create a big mind map on a poster with my current projects and the vision for my business so I *see* it also.
- Spend time working in the studio tomorrow and getting familiar with that space.
5 Risks I Could Take In My Business
- Let the list know that I’m making a new video for them. Do it and give it to them. (Does feel risky!)
- Create a survey for one of my lists I haven’t written to in a while and get back in touch with them.
- Create a video for that list based on their survey results and then give it to them.
- Respond to some of the emails that I’ve been avoiding responding to. (Yuck! I don’t want to.)
- Asking the members in one of my programs what we can do to make things better.
5 Actions That If I Did Them, Would Feel So Scary It’d Be Like A Part of Me Was Dying
- Writing to the people who bought the book.
- Giving myself 2 weeks to finish the manual and making it happen.
- Holding myself to doing 3 hours total of focused content/writing work a day. Each day I don’t do it, I give $50 to a cause I don’t believe in.
- Calling everyone who bought the book and having an individual conversation with each person. Being me and open and honest and seeing how I could help and what I can do to make things right between us.
- Taking a vacation and getting out of town without my laptop for at least 3 days.
Today, Stretch, Risk, or Die
If you stretched each day, how would your life change?
I’d be getting more and more confidence in what I was able to do. I’d see I was capable of more than I thought I was. I’d be growing.
What stretch, risk, or die must you take in order to change your life?
Definitely these things in business. Business is where all the leverage in my life is happening right now. It’s related to all aspects of my life. My personal life, health, entertainment, etc. I’m seeing it all hinging around business. That’s where the work needs to be done.
What stretch, risk or die have you ignored that’s stopping you from being true to yourself?
Definitely the manual. I’ve been humiliated about the status of that project. The way I’ve hid from people. Avoided people. It’s been awful. Ashamed to let anyone know that I have anything else going on in my life besides that particular project. As if I should only be working on it until it’s done…and that people are hating me for doing other things in my life than finishing that project. It’s been such a source of soreness and pain and regret. Deep regret. Deep shame. Really I can’t believe I’ve been carrying this for so long. I just haven’t been able to get out from under it yet. This chapter is helping me look at it…and it’s been coming up in my mind more and more for me to think about lately.
Which stretch, risk, or die do you want to avoid at all costs?
Again, it’s the manual. I feel like I’ve lost all sense of relationship with those people and they dislike me and distrust me. I feel as though my word means nothing to them because I’ve changed my mind so many times and said so many things that haven’t been true. That haven’t come to be. Why would they even care what I have to say. Why do they even want to hear from me any more? And even if I did say something that was true for me or heartfelt or honest…why would they care? They’ve seen me do that before. They know I say things and then stuff doesn’t happen. I feel totally lost in my relationship with them. Like I can never make it right. Dang. That’s some heavy shit to be carrying around. But there it is. My die has to do with dealing with this old book project. A project that has brought me so much stress and physical illness over the last couple of years. It’s daunting to even think about it. That’s why I haven’t been.
I see that’s also why I’m going to need to make it a super priority. The degree to which that project is killing me…is TOO MUCH. I can’t let that keep happening to me. I need to take care of myself and my life and my projects. I need to get on top of this thing. I need to show myself that I am strong enough to do it. I can move beyond the pain that started all the stress around the manual in the first place. I am bigger than that.
I know how to complete this manual. I know how to make it a beautiful thing. I know how to get right with my customers. I know how to move forward and make stuff happen. It has to do with my die. It has to do with getting this project out TOMORROW and working on it for at least 50 minutes. It’s totally something I can do. I will do it. That’s my new commitment. And if I feel like chickening out tomorrow, I’m going to reread this post and remind myself that I’m a bad ass and I can do whatever I set my mind to. I can even pull out an old project folder and reaquaint myself with it for 50 minutes on Thursday. That’s what I’m doing.
Big inhale. I can do it!
{ 6 comments… read them below or add one }
Mona, I can’t believe that no one’s responded yet to this post, despite you pouring your heart out here. Maybe, like me, they just didn’t see it; I didn’t till you sent me the link in another context.
Thank you so much for sharing your struggles as well as your wisdom and expertise. To my way of thinking, it makes you come across as very real and three-dimensional, and gives you major integrity in my eyes.
Here’s a thought that I find missing from this post: Suppose you stopped expecting yourself to finish the manual. What if you wrote everyone and said ‘forget it for now’? What if you gave yourself the gift of freedom from the pressure of this project? What would be the stretch, the risk, the die there?
Not to say or assume the manual would never be done, or that all you’ve accomplished would be wasted. But just to somehow expand the thinking to give yourself relief from the pressure of the stuck place you’ve been in and the expectations you’ve been holding.
Does that make any sense? And, just out of curiosity, where did this post fall in relation to your sore mouth and throat problems?
Mona, I’m working on clearing out some email today and got into this post. I’m at a beautiful coffee shop overlooking the water in WA as I’m typing this.
First of all, I want you to feel my arms around you….at the beach as we’re playing in the waves….
Feel the fun of riding your bike…
Feel the joy of connecting with wonderful people…
And let go of that heavy iron arm of should….and failure….
Communicating with those who have purchased sounds like a wonderful idea. Years ago I purchased a “to be created” ebook from a coach.
The book never came into fruition as far as I know. I wrote to her several times….she did respond once and then seemed to disappear.
I have searched for her on the net and she is still around….
Reason I mention that is that her communicating with me about the challenge of the project would have been so clean…and so welcomed on my part. Hearing her struggle would have made her work even more powerful to me.
Just being in the light instead of the darkness ….
You have so much to offer and the world deserves to have it in good time….your time….
Much love from Suzanne
Suzanne Holman´s last blog ..Who Do You Know Who Has Alzheimer’s in the Family? – Fr.ee Call Tonight
Dear Mona,
Wow, I’m awestruck by the powerful honesty in this post.
I had lost track of you for a while, and thought to see what you’re up to tonight after seeing a testimonial by you on another site. And I can see that your inner work has only deepened over time.
My own work has evolved into a very specific niche around resistance, because my whole life used to look like the struggle you’re describing with your manual. My heart is truly resonating with all the feelings you’re describing around it.
And from my own struggle there are a few bits I’d like to offer for yours.
First, I’ve come to see my resistance as a loving force that remembers something that I’ve forgotten and is trying to keep me away from something it thinks will be dangerous to me.
When Rhonda talks about “a part of us will die”, I would say Yes, our current false identity will die. But a part of us will also LIVE – an authentic part that’s been buried and waiting to come to life again.
I used to have an identity that was deeply connected to shame and my resistance would constantly set me up for ongoing doses of it. Letting go of that identity seemed like it would be such a good thing, but believe it or not, my resistance was actively preventing it from falling away.
I came to understand that a part of me actually believed that letting go of the shame and the old identity would open me up to something worse than living inside of it.
So the question I really want to ask/offer is :
Who would you be if the manual was complete and what might be so scary about that?
The last thing I would say is that – the only thing that ever worked with my resistance, especially in the face of shame, was to thank it.
That would end the battle. I would go into a very soft place inside with an understanding that my resistance has been trying to love and protect me all along and I just haven’t understood it’s efforts
I would apologize for making it wrong and I would thank it deeply for all it’s vigilance and long memory and support on my behalf. And then I would start to open an inner dialogue with it.
But whether the dialogue opened or not, the softness would end the battle and I would immediately claim all the energy back that the battle was using up. And that would be SUCH a relief.
I hope this helps in some small way. I have to tell you that when I first started out with my website, you were way ahead of me in your design and your strategy and your heartfelt copy-writing and your offerings.
I followed every change you made for the first few years and I learned and absorbed so much in watching your site and your work evolve. This feels like the tiniest opportunity for me to give something back to you for support you didn’t even know you were giving to me.
The world deserves your manual and anything else you can give it. Of that I have no doubt. But your wise resistance is perfect and you are in exactly the right place with it. All shall be well.
Big blessings,
Susan J
Halifax, NS
Susan Johnstone´s last blog ..Resistance is Your Soul’s Compass
Hi Mona…. last night – very late – you popped into my mind. Well, not just you – but the long awaited for Manual….. Inquire Within…..
so I got online to see what was up with it – and it appears it still isn’t done….
I’d like to know if it’s possible for those of us who paid for it longggg ago to obtain at least SOME of the exercises in it – even in abbreviated form?
I believe with everything in me that your tools are some of the best out there….. and selfishly – I WANT THEM!
What do I need to do in order to support you to release your manual so that you can feel at peace with it and I can have access to your goodies?
You’re awesome, Christi. And I totally appreciate that you want the goodies. That’s inspiring to hear after all the time that has passed.
Here’s one thing you can do: Can you write me the first week of Feb. and ask me that question again?
I’m tending a lot to my health right now after a little set back in late Nov. and have been out in Oklahoma with my mom for the holidays – heading back to CA on Wed. Have some things I need to do work wise, yadda yadda…so I’ll be thinking about what you suggested until then and see if something creative and ingenious comes up when I’m more available to do something about it. Sound good?
I love you. Thank you. xoxo
Wow – I need to reread this blog post when I’m not so tired. I think I might just inspire myself…