Day #7: Are You Making It Up Or Is It True? – Change Your Life in 30 Days

- Being on someone’s side doesn’t mean that you’ll always agree with them. We can be on someone’s side and ask the tough questions that help them be honest with themselves. And people who are on our sides may ask us the same kinds of questions. Just because they’re not agreeing with us, doesn’t mean that they’re not on our side.

- Guessing doesn’t build intimacy. It puts up walls. Guessing is in the same vein as assuming.

One of the main reasons we turn a small situation into a huge problem is to justify our feelings. We feel bad, so there must be a reason for it. A-ha! Best friend flirting with boyfriend. That’s it. And  off we go taking innocent gestures and turning them into evil acts of betrayal. Think of the people who betrayed you. Are you sure they betrayed you? Did they plan on hurting you? Were you the target all along? Or was it an innocent action executed on one of your bad days?

- When we find ourselves reacting disproportionally to an event, it’s a good time to ask: Am I making it up, or is it true? And then follow up with: What else could be true?

- Be willing to give up the security of making things up for a life filled with intimacy.

Today, Practice Being True

Why can’t you be true to yourself?

I tell myself that other people are more important than I am. I make that up. I believe it even though it’s not necessarily true.

What excuses do you make up when things don’t go your way?

Often it’s stuff about my body. I blame something unexpected in my day. If only that had gone differently, the whole rest of the day would have gone the way I wanted it to. So I turn myself into a victim of certain daily events. This morning it was that my salt flush didn’t happen as quickly as I wanted it to, so I wound up feeling bloated and uncomfortable and it took forever to get going. So I blamed that event for how the rest of my day was great, but didn’t involve the work accomplishments that I wanted.

I’ll blame the activity in the house as a reason for things not going my way also. The hustle and bustle with my personal assistant being around and my Sweet Bee, and the neighbors, or my Sweet Bee being on the phone…that other people or sounds are keeping me from doing what I want to be doing. Again, making myself a victim to them.

What things am I making up about the people I love?

• I make up that the people who pre-ordered the manual are totally pissed at me.
• I make up that I can’t show my face to them.
• I make up that they don’t respect me anymore.
• I make up the story that one of my family members wants me to feel sorry for him.

List the emotions that you feel when you make things up about people.

• Justified
• Right
• Smart
• In the know
• Arrogant
• Smarter than them.
• I know what’s really going on here vibe…
• Certain

If you had to ask yourself: Am I making this up or is it true? Before I spoke, how would that change my life?

Gossip would definitely be reduced. I’d be more mindful of what I was saying. I’d say things more intentionally. I’d probably feel more connected with myself because I’d be thinking about what I said before I said it. I do that already, but not through this particular filter all the time. I know I assume things and say things that are true lots of times. So if I were to focus on that and really ask myself, hey…am I just making up that my back is killing me (for example) or is that true? I’d probably exaggerate less. Actually yes, I would exaggerate less. Things I say would be connected to reality much more.

Reading…

- Important to learn what triggers us to want to make things up. Making things up is a defense mechanism.

- For the next 24 hours, any time I’m irritated, ask: Am I Making This Up, Or Is It True?

Reminders:

- Are you making it up or is it true? Keeps you open and honest with others.

- When you make things up, you are afraid to become vulnerable and therefore intimate.

- See the situation “as is” and take your perceptions out so you can focus on the facts.

- Facing when you make things up will help you heal.

Daily Acknowledgements

1. Today I acknowledge myself for being decisive about the plants we chose to buy from Michael’s for the studio.
2. Today I acknowledge myself for chewing my food intentionally at each meal to help my body make the best use of the food I’m putting in it.
3. Today I acknowledge myself for staying connected to myself even when the early part of my morning didn’t go the way I wanted it to.
4. Today I acknowledge myself for tidying up the kitchen and keeping things looking fresh.
5. Today I acknowledge myself for being honest with myself that I need some systems in place to help make Mondays super fun and enjoyable and relaxing for me.