Ugh. I am experiencing thoughts that are making me feel BAD.
Here are some of them in a dump so I can see what’s what.
- No one has time for me.
- I am a burden.
- I need help.
- I feel funky.
- This is bad.
- I am a mess.
- Nobody loves me.
- I am worthless (Getting to the bottom of the barrel of these yucky thoughts here…)
- I don’t deserve help.
- I may as well just shrivel up in a corner and die. (Okay. I’m at the bottom.)
The point of getting to the bottom of the Yucky Barrel is to make sure that everything that wants and is ready to be expressed CAN be expressed and DOES get expressed. Otherwise, it stays inside unsaid and that just creates more problems.
So the next part of this method that I learned from my friends Steph & Todd is to work my way up the list from the bottom and creates New Choices for each of the yucky things I dumped out. So I ask myself:
Instead of experiencing “thing from the Yucky Barrel list”, what would I rather experience? What’s my new choice?
So instead of: “May as well just shrivel up in a corner and die..”
My new choice is: I am grateful to be alive and I love my life.
It’s basically a version of a turnaround or opposite or something positive about ME that feels better and is more empowering. The reason I’m making this new choice is for my subconscious (who doesn’t know the difference between real and imaginary) so I’m giving it a new positive message which is at least as true (if not more true) than the yucky one that I wrote down…and it definitely feels better.
So here’s my rewritten list of new choices. (I’m going to keep them in the same order as the list above, but I’m going to work my way up from the bottom so that the last one I write a new choice for, is the first one that I dumped in my Yucky Barrel list.)
My New Choices Are…
I am fully supported and have everything I require.
I am a blessing and I belong.
I have everything I require and I am cared for.
I feel clear and happy and at ease.
I experience goodness in everything I do.
I am beautiful and I have a wonderful life.
I am loved.
I am worthy and I am good.
I deserve to receive help and it feels good.
I am grateful to be alive and I love my life.
– Wow that sure feels nice to read.
And Now That All This Is True…
Now it’s time to crank up my Imagination to level 11 and imagine my life 3 years from now.
I’m going to imagine that all those new choices are true…and have been for the last 3 years. So I’m going to re-read the list of new choices and read them out loud and say:
“Now that 3 whole years have passed and all these things are true…(Read each item from the list out loud so that I can hear them and feel them)…and I’ve been experiencing those things the entire 3 years…
What day of the week is it?
Sunday
What time of the day?
6pm
Where am I? Inside? Outside?
Inside a restaurant with friends. There are nice table cloths and candles and a beautiful ambiance in the restaurant. It’s pretty busy, but it’s not super loud. Somehow it’s easy to have conversation and also enjoy being around people. I am with 3 of my girlfriends.
What am I doing there?
We are dressed up to celebrate one of our friends’ birthdays. We have presents on the table and we’re all wearing fancy blouses/dresses.
What am I wearing?
I’m wearing a satin-like type of emerald green loose spaghetti strap top with some sexy black dress pants and awesome cute sandal heels. It’s warm enough that I don’t need a jacket or anything. My hair is down and I have on some dangling earrings that I really like too.
What part of the meal are you guys having? (Here I can just ask questions to get more details. The more details the better because it makes things more vivid in my imagination.)
We’re having the dessert part and she’s about to open all her presents. I had like a berry sorbet type of thing with a little chocolate ball truffle type of thing on top. It is super refreshing and I love the tall dish that it came in. We are all having so much fun and we’re all great friends.
How are you feeling at this dinner party for your friend’s birthday?
I’m so happy and grateful for my life. I love my friends and I’m so glad we could all get together tonight for the celebration. We have great balanced friendships between all of us and we love each other very much. We’re like family.
Just as your friend is about to open the gift that you gave her, your server comes over and has a little envelope decorated with flowers on it and it has your name on it. She gives it to you and said that someone dropped it off for you. Who is it from?
I know right away from looking at the handwriting that it’s from Jessica – the young girl who lives near me that I’ve been mentoring and taking care of. I’ve been helping her for the last 3 years (she’s 13 now). She’s such a great person and I love her so much. She knew I was going to be out to dinner with my friends for the birthday party so she must have ridden her bike to the little place we’re at to drop this off for me. How sweet. All my friends think it’s super sweet too because they all know Jessica and love her too.
What does the letter say?
Well, I am tempted to save it and read it later after the presents were opened, but my friends encourage me to open it then. So I open it up and it reads:
Dear Mona -
Hope you’re having fun at Sara’s birthday party and aren’t eating too much chocolate. If you have extra, just put it in a to go bag for me. haha
I just wanted you to know that I love you and I appreciate everything that you’ve done for me. You’re such an amazing person and I’m so grateful for everything you’ve done for me. Really. I know I’m not good at expressing myself sometimes with words, but tonight I felt like trying. You have made such a difference in my life and I love you.
Thank you for believing me!
Love,
Jessica
P.S. I’m so excited to go to the beach with our bikes this weekend. That’s going to be awesome.
How do you feel reading the note?
I read it out loud to my friends and they all go Awwww and add confirmation that it’s really great what I’ve done with Jessica and how I’ve been able to support her and make a difference in her life and what a great girl she’s become. They are so supportive me and love Jessica also. I feel blessed. I feel a little choked up. I feel warm inside and I feel so happy. My life is beautiful and I’m surrounded by so much love. I smile and tuck the note away in my purse and then text Jessica a quick note: Thank you for the sweet note! I love you too. xoxo
Then what happens?
Then Sara opens all her presents and it’s so much fun. One of our friends is an artist and made a little porcelain gift that is beautiful.
What happens when Sara opens your gift?
Her eyes get bright and wide and she’s so happy to open the little purple box. Inside are some silver bangles I brought back from my trip to Thailand. They have beautiful designs pressed into them and she LOVES them. She puts them on and starts modeling her hand and I love seeing her enjoy them. I smile big and clasp my hands together in joy that she likes them so much.
(As Sara is opening the last friend’s gift, you start thinking about how great all this is…and how 3 years previously you were going through a totally different experience. You start reflecting on what changed.)
What did you LET GO OF that allowed you to be at this place in your life with your friends at this birthday party?
I let go of being a burden and thinking I’m a mistake.
What did you LET IN that allowed all this to happen?
I let in: I deserve a good life and I am a good person.
(Now I say it aloud 3 times: I deserve a good life and I am a good person.)
I feel a lot better now. Ahhh.
