This Shouldn’t Be Happening

For the last several days, I’ve woken up, gone outside with my green smoothie and a notebook and questioned one of my thoughts.

I’ve been working with the same thought every morning – though I apply it to different situations where it has fit in my life.

It’s this thought:

This shouldn’t be happening.

It covers a lot of territory. Pretty much any time I’m upset – about anything – in anyway – it’s because I’m believing some kind of version of this thought.

And each time I’ve questioned it over the last several days, I’ve learned something new (and beautiful) about myself and my life.

Tomorrow morning, if things go as they’ve been going, I’ll question the belief again while squatting outside in the sun with my water and smoothie. I write my inquiry in a pink spiral notebook that I got from Staples and I write slowly and deliberately with a ball point pen.

Tonight, before I go to sleep I’d like to question the thought also:

—> This shouldn’t be happening.

1. Is it true?

Yes.

2. Can you absolutely know that it’s true?

No.

3. How do you react when you believe the thought: This shouldn’t be happening?

I feel left out. I compare myself. I see myself as alone and on the outside. I feel like I’m missing out. I create pictures in my mind of all the things I’m missing out on. I am afraid to show up and participate. I let my stories about other people scare me into not taking action. I go into their business and imagine them telling themselves bad stories about me. And not wanting me. And hoping I will go away and never come back. I make me into a monster in their mind, and then they become monsters to me. It’s very sad to be believing this. I don’t trust what’s going on. I think I know better. I wish I could go back in time and do things differently. I get afraid of what’s going to happen in the future.

4. Who would you be without the thought: This shouldn’t be happening?

Grateful that it is happening. And so much of it without me. I have had other things to tend to. I have been quite busy in fact. I am actually so happy that it is happening as it is and I have not had to do anything to make that happen. What a gift that is. Really. I did not have to think about it or be creative or come up with ideas or troubleshoot or give feedback or any of it. It has happened like magic and it’s so good that it did. I was free to do all the things that I was doing and continue to do. It is so good! And I continue to be spared because I have other things I require tending to still. I would bless what’s happening and open my heart to it. Love it. Appreciate it. Admire it. That’s a big change.

TA> This should be happening.

a) Yes – it’s actually so cool that it did because it’s supporting me in taking care of me. It happened the way it did so that I could do what I did.

b) It’s so good that it’s happening. I’m in an amazing place in my life. And if all this had not been happening the way it did, I can’t know that I would be in this same place – which I am really loving and enjoying. My life is so good and I’m so happy and appreciative.

c) It is happening. There it is. Right in my face. I see it. It’s real. It’s happening. It should be. I get it. Thank you for being there.

TA> This should not be happening (in my thinking.)

The only *problem* here is that my thinking is telling a story about what shouldn’t be going on, when it actually is going on. It’s just a little glitch. Reality happening the way it is is totally good and okay. I love that I found the gratitude for it in question 4.

So the thing happening in my thinking could be seen as the thing that shouldn’t be happening. I’m supporting myself in having a cleaner, clearer mind by questioning it and making space for new possibilities. Being less rigid about claiming to know what should or shouldn’t be going on in the world. I can be more of a witness. And this thing should definitely be happening – because it is. And it is good.

What is the thing you think shouldn’t be happening in your life or in the world right now?

How might it be better for you that that thing actually *is* happening?